no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
