I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
