There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
