You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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