we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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