somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
