I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
