So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
