I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
