Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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