So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
