If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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