i just wanna soil my oats bro
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Houston, we have a blender
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
