Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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