Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
