He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
