I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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