okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
