He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
