I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
