do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
