Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
