I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize