i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
