I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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