She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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