You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
