Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
