Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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