high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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