my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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