Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
