why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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