Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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