I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
