Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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