I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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