New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
