He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
