I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
