I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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