whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
