There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
