so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
