just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize