It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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