the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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