I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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