Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
