Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
