At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
