we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
