if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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