She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
