just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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