No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize