i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
