im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize