Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize