What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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