period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
