i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
