I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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