I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
