I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
