nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
