Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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