I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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