so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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