We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
