omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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