I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
